She's JV to your varsity
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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