In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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