your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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