i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
