Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
