He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
