i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
