If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
