I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
