I'm drive I can fine osifer
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
