I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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