Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
