White coat. Heels.
birth control should be required to get into college
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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