sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
