God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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