There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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