you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
