If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize