The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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