I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
my liver is dry heaving
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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