im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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