My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My balls are so social today.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
