shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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