i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
