And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
