That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
