Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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