Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
True but thats because hes a fetus.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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