I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
