Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I did not marry a roomba.
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