you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
