There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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