Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
is this the sara with the beer cane?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
