I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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