video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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