She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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