I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
