The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
