That's intense
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
