I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
