I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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