So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
