we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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