Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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