i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
