I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
