tell your sister to shave her snatch
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
