Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
