I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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