i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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