In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
