And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
