I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
