i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
