I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
