Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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