I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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