Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
