I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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