It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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