chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
