if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize