Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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