Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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