Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize