pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
