I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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