My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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