i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
